I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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