first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
