Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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