Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize