I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
