Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
