they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
