my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
