You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
