dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
