I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize