I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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