I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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