I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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