cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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