I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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