I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
