The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
