Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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