This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hippo gnu deer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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