just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
