Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Vodka?
Forever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
