yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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