bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
