There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
