Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
