Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
