your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
