saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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