im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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