Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
