Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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