i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
