I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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