He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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