i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
