Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
