what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
