I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
