i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
