just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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