who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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