apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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