I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
