The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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