Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
