this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Randomize
