I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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