Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Even my vagina gasped.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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