Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
