Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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