i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
