she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
