you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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