RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
