so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
