we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize