no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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