everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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