I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
even my farts smell like vagina
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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