You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
