I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
