you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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