Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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