so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
