all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
