lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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