It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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