My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
