Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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