____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
