Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
