I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
