Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize