it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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