He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
