Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize