i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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