just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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